How you became shy and how to fix it?

Have you ever wondered what made you a shy person? Yes, you are not a shy person by nature. You can be an introvert by nature, but not shy. You are shy because of your parenting, environment, and childhood experiences.

When you were a kid, you simply cried when you were hungry and smiled when you were happy. You did not suppress your urge to cry or smile because other people would judge you. You were like any other kid in the world.

Growing up, you learned to speak, listen, understand, and think. You made sense of the world using the responses and behaviour of others. Now, your mental conditioning is not dependent just on you but on others, too.

When kids are scolded, silenced, and disrespected when they express their needs, desires, opinions, and wishes, they perceive that approval and positive judgment are necessary to feel safe. Such kids don't express themselves because they fear negative judgement and disapproval from others.

On the other hand, when kids are provided visibility, encouraged to express themselves, and treated with respect, they perceive that it is okay to express oneself even if others disapprove. Such kids express themselves and do not fear negative judgement and disapproval from others.

When children don't feel seen, heard or acknowledged, they perceive that their thoughts, questions, and existence have low importance. Such kids usually have low self-respect in their adult life. They let people ignore, disrespect and abuse as they are conditioned to it.

Your childhood is out of your control. You can't undo it. But you can beat your shyness and become confident. Let's understand the concept of self-esteem before we get into the solution.

Self-esteem is composed of two elements - self-trust and self-respect. Self-trust is trusting your mind and feeling confident in your ability to think, judge, learn, understand and face life's challenges. Self-respect is the ability to express one's thoughts, wishes, and opinions comfortably and feel entitled to experience love and respect.

You can consider self-esteem to be the complement of shyness roughly. When you encounter a dysfunctional childhood, your self-esteem lowers and shyness increases. To lower your shyness as an adult, you should improve your self-esteem. But how?

People with high self-esteem tend to behave in ways that can be used to improve one's self-esteem. In other words, you can improve your self-esteem if you behave and make decisions like people with high self-esteem.

I have identified ten self-esteem-enhancing practices that help improve a person's self-esteem. I have also made a one-month workbook with a day-wise plan to help you apply those practices. You can find them in my one-month program, 'Self-esteem Pill.'

Remember, you cannot improve your self-esteem in just one day. You need to make consistent efforts and make the self-esteem-enhancing practices your lifestyle, although you will notice changes within a month.

That's it for this time. See you in the next post.

The Social Code.